Monday, December 12, 2011
Beginning to Read The Catechetical Lectures of S. Cyril, Archbishop of Jerusalem
There is no place to begin with this, so I will start where I am:
"The present is the season of confession: confess what thou hast done in word or in deed, by night or by day; confess in an acceptable time, and in the day of salvation receive the heavenly treasure. Devote thy time to the Exorcisms: be assiduous at the Catechisings, and remember the things that shall be spoken, for they are spoken not for thine ears only, but that by faith thou mayest seal them up in the memory. Blot out from thy mind all earthly care: for thou art running for thy soul. Thou art utterly forsaking the things of the world: little are the things which thou art forsaking, great what the Lord is giving. Forsake things present, and put thy trust in things to come. Hast thou run so many circles of the years busied in vain about the world, and hast thou not forty days to be free (for prayer), for thine own soul's sake? "
This is referring to the Great Lent before our Baptism. He must mean private confession, in prayer by oneself?
At Vigil last Saturday, the evening before the Sunday of the Holy Forefathers, Father Stephan ended the Vigil with a call to Confession. Karl wasn't there, I was present with three of our children and my Godmother that night. It was a very moving call as Father described the great forgiveness of God for those who repent. For the first time I heard Father say the opening exhortation of confession- usually he is over in the corner and quiet.
I wish I could write in a convincing way about how much I desire to be received into the Church and be called a Believer. This feeling overwhelmed me early on after becoming a Catechumen and has not diminished in any way. But as I have tried to explain before, another sensation has grown alongside it, and it is one of fear. Now I do not feel ready, it is like something is missing. These Lectures of St. Cyril are exciting in a way nothing else has been for awhile. Direct communication to me, the Catechumen.